Kellye Mazzoli (00:34)
So what do you do when the job you used to love, the mission that you gave your energy, time, and identity to starts to feel like a weight?
Charisse Deschenes (00:44)
When the passion that brought you to public service begins to fade or flicker, and it doesn't mean you've failed, it just might mean you've outgrown something, Kellye, or that the fire needs tending, not abandoning.
Kellye Mazzoli (00:57)
exactly, Charisse. So today we're going to talk about what it really means when your commitment is still there, but maybe the energy, the spark, the why starts to feel a little more distant. Today's episode is titled When the Fire Fades, What Happens When Your Passion for Public Service Starts to Wain. So with so many of the women and the men that I coach,
who entered local government, they have this really sort of fierce and wholehearted sense of service. And I think that stems from being what I would call, I was like a go-to person, problem solver, right? The night meeting warrior, the one that everyone counted on, or maybe even the fixer, I guess. But for a long time, I think that felt really fulfilling for me.
And then there was just this sort of slow erosion, right? It doesn't happen all at once. You just start to feel really heavy and the job starts feeling more like it's maybe taking more than it's giving. And what used to energize me, which was helping and fixing and leading, started to feel a little bit more like an obligation instead of the calling that it originally was. So I was wondering, Charisse, can you tell us a little bit more about your experience with this?
Charisse Deschenes (02:19)
Kellye, I've felt something very similar to in my career. And you know, when you try to think of a specific moment in time, I'm thinking of council meetings and just thinking, you know, in the moment that I wasn't necessarily like tuned out to the experience, but I wasn't tuned in. I wasn't tired, but I wasn't...
overwhelmed and I was just, I don't know, I just had this feeling of like something isn't right, something isn't settling right with me anymore. But I didn't know what to do with the realization that I was having with my identity because it's wrapped around, as you know, like we are those dependable public servants and
we're committed, we're lifers and the profession like it doesn't really give you that space to to question if you're in or you're out right or if what you're feeling is normal and there's a badge that you kind of wear in a way that you're sticking it out or
Kellye Mazzoli (03:01)
Mm-hmm.
Charisse Deschenes (03:15)
even when you're kind of quietly unraveling a bit, you still have to commit. You're a survivor. I remember experiencing that, going through some tough counseling meetings and the meetings following with teams. We got through that. We survived this together. And for me, it was...
I don't know if that's how I want to feel about this experience, right? Like, I want to feel like we're making a difference in our community and that the work that we do is meaningful, not that it's like, we survived that meeting and then we're going to survive another one that just starts to weigh on you over time. And I had to start thinking about, is this something that's settling with me just now or is this a path that I'm going down a little bit?
Kellye Mazzoli (04:05)
It is really sort of this badge of honor that we wear in the profession about sticking it out. And because we're in roles where there's so much value that is measured in stability, in consistency and in self-sacrifice, it's sort of like just understood as part of the job.
Charisse Deschenes (04:13)
Yes.
Kellye Mazzoli (04:30)
that we are servants to the people, to the taxpayer, to the council. And what I have found is that there's no real framework for the I still care, but I think I've changed because that was really true for me. It wasn't that I stopped caring about the profession or the job that I was doing or the job that anybody...
in the organization was doing. I still think it's very valuable and very important. And I still cared and still cared about it getting done. But there was like this moment where it's like, I think I've changed. And so then I started wondering, I mean, what does that really mean?
Charisse Deschenes (05:12)
You don't want to let your community down, You're in it. And so when you start to have those feelings, like I know that, you know, when that passion, it started to dim a little bit for me. And I have that instinct to just push, you know, push through that, right? You double down, you think, okay, well, we can get through this again, going back to that, getting through this moment. You just assume that you're in a rough patch.
And
it's like, how do we explain it? What if that fading fire that you're having wasn't a sign of weakness? Maybe it was a signal to you? So it's a signal that your values are maybe evolving or that...
the structures you're operating in no longer reflect the change that you want to make in the industry. Or simply that you're exhausted from the years that you're like, you've been sitting in this role in this service. So, you know, you might be thinking about like,
Is the signal maybe just a pausing point for me or a moment to stop and check in with myself? These are kind of some of the things that I was experiencing going through some changes in my career, Kellye.
Kellye Mazzoli (06:13)
I think when your entire identity is built around this being a public servant, it can feel really terrifying to question whether it's still the right container for you and your gifts, right, that you bring. So I would say for me personally, there there was some guilt.
I wouldn't say for me, but I have heard from some of my coaching clients that there's some shame around feeling like maybe this isn't the right container for me anymore. And I think there's like a real fear that stepping away or even stepping back, maybe taking a sabbatical that it means that you're abandoning your purpose. And, you know, I think that that's where I've learned going through this myself.
working with leaders across the entire country, the passion that shifts is not the same as passion lost. So I really wanna offer, it's just a deeper calling towards alignment is how I felt about it, is how I've seen it play out with those that I'm coaching. It's a call for alignment, it's a call for real integration. There's a lot of talk about work-life balance.
and we throw that out there. But I think it's really about integration more than balance. So remember, you know, that you matter, that it's not just this role that you play, this identity that you're caught up in. That's the performative part of this leadership role that we're in. It's, you know, and in fact, I would say too, is that our next episode is gonna tackle alignment even more so. And so keep listening.
If you think that maybe you're just out of alignment, that maybe this is just a shift. It's not that your passion is gone all of a sudden. It's not that it's lost. But I think it's just an indicator that things have shifted. So Charisse, what is it that you think that makes this sort of difficult?
Charisse Deschenes (08:25)
I think that part of what makes this so difficult is the silence around it. No one wants to admit that their fire is fading because we equate that with disengagement or apathy as we've talked about before. But more often than not, it's not that we don't care, it's that we care too much and we think that we're carrying it all alone. But
really, are you, if you are noticing it and you're having those experiences, someone else is out there having the same feelings that you are having in that moment and they're also pushing it down and they're not addressing it or giving it a name and working through it. So I just want to like challenge people to think about when you're in these moments, you where is this code coming from that we don't speak about this at all, right?
Kellye Mazzoli (09:11)
you
Charisse Deschenes (09:14)
And do you remember when you did an approach a situation in the way that you did here? Like when were the good times and why what has shifted for you? Maybe reflecting back a little bit in that moment for yourself and then thinking about how you might have strayed from where those times were good and where you are today and really sitting with yourself a little bit and thinking through what's changed in me.
Kellye Mazzoli (09:39)
Mm hmm. Yes. I mean, that really is the cost of the unspoken pressure of this whole role. There is a quiet suffering that you're describing that I'm hearing. That's happening. And if you're experiencing it, maybe others on your team are experiencing it or not even a maybe. mean, it kind of is. They are. Yeah. Yeah. So I think really reclaiming your voice here.
Charisse Deschenes (10:00)
They are for sure, right?
Kellye Mazzoli (10:06)
We talk about that a little bit, but that's where it starts. It's not this huge, like dramatic exit that you have to have, but instead, like there's just an honest pause. So, you know, for me in particular, the decision started when I started to see that there were other priorities that kept coming up. There were priorities with family. There was a pull to prioritize those things over the job and the role that I was in.
You know, there was a call that was a little bit louder than the assistant city manager role that I was in, and that was to help people in the profession, but in a different way through the coaching. That call kept getting louder and louder. Most people don't know, but it wasn't an overnight idea for me to do this. I mean, it's something that I had actually been nurturing since probably around 2014.
And I didn't actually decide to go for it until 2021. So it's I mean, that's like a seven year gap before I actually that the call got so loud that I I knew I had to shift in to the coaching arena. I still wanted to support those in city management, but just in a different way. So it's not that the fire was was fading, like that my fire was dimming.
and I was going away and the passion was going away in my life. It's almost like it was starting to burn higher in a different place. And so I don't think like you lose your passion. It's just you're focused on this fire pit in front of you. The city management fire pit was right in front of me. And then it just sort of started like waning just a little bit, but it was popping up over here in this other fire pit.
And so, you you talked a little bit earlier about it being a signal. And that's really what I think it is. It's like this, this whenever you notice that it's starting to shift, it's a shift. It's not that it's going away, it's going somewhere else that you need to listen to the things that are starting to take a higher calling or a higher priority for you. So let me ask Charisse, can we talk about what you did or what?
what somebody could do if they're starting to notice this shifting of their fire, of their passion.
Charisse Deschenes (12:30)
There may be two places you can begin, It's not not you're going to fix what's happening to you or the you know, you're having a signal. It's not necessarily a bad thing, right? You're just seeing the world in a different way. But start listening inward again, you know, as I mentioned above, start mindfully, you know, recognizing the shift in you, right?
and stop pretending that everything is fine. That doesn't mean you broadcast all the burnout that you're experiencing to everyone, but it means telling the truth to yourself and really thinking about, you feel energized by your work or are you just surviving it daily? So that's kind of the first thing. And then the second thing is, you know,
Maybe take a moment to really think about what does bring you joy and light and what brings that to the surface in you. It might be doing something like mentoring your interns or younger staff or designing something new, a new system or working on a new project that you haven't been able to do in the past. But pay attention to that moment when your shoulders kind of drop and you're
your voice might soften a bit, that's where you're really kind of inspired. That's where your inner compass is focused. So those are two things that I think that you can really start to think about.
Kellye Mazzoli (13:54)
Can I add a third?
Charisse Deschenes (13:55)
Okay, of course. Good things come in threes, right?
Kellye Mazzoli (13:57)
Okay. I
think so. just I want to add just a little bit to it is that like take some time. This is what really helped for me, but it was to like take some time to let yourself imagine, not just plan. We're naturally I feel like everybody in city management is a planner on some level. But just imagine.
Like, what are these possibilities? What might your career or your life look like if you don't have anything to prove? If you could just be driven by your own curiosity, maybe instead of your duty. Because I personally know that I was driven by my duty to public service for so very long, and I neglected some of that curiosity of all the things that I love to do and the interests that I have.
You know, take some time to imagine it's not indulgent. It really is a sacred time. And I would say in the imagination, that's whenever I started to reconnect to possibility. And whenever you do that, it will help you too. So just take some time to imagine like what your life could look like. What are the things like you were saying? Like, what are the things that you like to do? But follow some of that curiosity. I mean, isn't that in a way like
It's really cool that we get to do that, that we get to craft these lives. So if we just get too narrow focus, like I just, I'm afraid it gets too small, right? Life starts feeling a little small. So expand, open up, get curious and imagine.
Charisse Deschenes (15:30)
that, Kellye. I'm just thinking of like all the moments that you have different growth in your life. don't know. I have just like thinking back of to these moments where brainstorming and not using the word no at all, just dreaming for just a little while. Yes. And those are the best moments of where you think about where you can go and grow. And thank you for bringing up that third one. I think that was a really important one to add.
Kellye Mazzoli (15:45)
Yes, and.
Absolutely. So I just wanted to give a general reminder to our audience that if you are feeling like your passion is fading, to remember that it's really probably just shifting. And more importantly, I want you to know it doesn't mean that you're broken. And I say that because for me, that's what I thought it was at first.
At first, I thought something's broken. Why doesn't this feel as good as it used to? Why am I hearing all these other things sort of pulling me in other directions for other exploration? And Cherise, you've heard me talk about seasons. I think that we go through seasons in life. And so in my mind, whenever your fire is shifting, that maybe it's a signal that it's time to shift into that next season.
Remember, you are alive and this is, it's just, means you're paying attention if you're noticing it. And I think that's a good thing.
Charisse Deschenes (16:57)
Yeah, would say, and sometimes that fire needs to flicker and dim and be relit, not in the same way, not in their same role, but in the way that maybe honors you now, who you are, not who you are when you started, but who you are now. And remember that you're always changing. And again, that is growth and that's shifting, that's that curiosity you talk about.
Kellye Mazzoli (17:25)
And two, I want to note for everyone that in our next episode, we are going to dive into alignment and deciding whether to stay or to go. And I think it goes hand in hand whenever you're starting to see this shift of your your passion. And so that's coming up. Stay tuned.
Charisse Deschenes (17:42)
remember, take the pressure off, needing to fix everything, and just start by noticing. That's where truth and change begins.
Kellye Mazzoli (17:50)
Yeah, and even if you're feeling the shift of your passion, follow it to find out more. And don't worry if you need additional support, Charisse and I have you remember with us, it's always okay to be Unmuted until next time.
